Name : Ni Made Pande Candra Sapitri
NIM : 1212021057
Class : 3 B
Outline Paragraph “Free Hugs
Campaign” by Lisna Listiari
Title : Free Hugs
Campaign
Topic Sentence :
Juan
Mann is the name of that man who has mission to spread peaceful on the world
through hugs people that was strange to change their mind about human contact
especially in social live.
a.
Major supporting sentence 1 :
- At the beginning, the man walked around
the busiest pedestrians while bring the sign aloft on his both side to make
people interested with the sign and wants hug him.
Minor supporting
sentence :
-
At the first, what he brings doesn’t
make sense for the people.
-
People didn’t give their respond to him.
-
During the man walked, some people just
watched him, took his picture and passed him.
b.
Major supporting sentence 2 :
- Juan Mann didn’t give up with the
situation around him and until several minutes, he met a woman and their hug.
Minor supporting sentence :
- It was his first hug after through that
way.
- Then, some people around him one by one
walked close to him and their hug each other.
- It was really funny saw people hug Juan
Mann in many kind of style, like used the skateboard to reach him or just as
usual.
- Next, some of people tried to bring that
sign and hug each other.
- So, we could see that some people give
their respond to the man with the “Free Hugs” sign from their act to him.
c.
Major supporting sentence 3 :
- During the campaign,
suddenly several police and officials ordered the “Free Hugs” campaign banned.
Minor supporting
sentence :
- The police and officials tried to stop
and disperse the campaign
- Then, some people helped the man with
gave their signature as petition to against the police.
- At first, the total signatures just 83,
but then it totally surprised because he gave 10.000 signatures.
- Some people also tried to talk with the
police and hug the police with smiling.
- In the end of the video, Juan Mann
hugged an old woman and continued their mission bring
that sign for peace of the world.
Concluding
sentence :
So,
from this video we can get the main point which to keep up the spirit of
humanity and togetherness with the simple way, by hug
someone because it’s mean that you care about them.
Comment in general
In
general, the paragraph entitled Free Hugs Campaign is good. There are only some
part of the paragraph that should be fixed. About the vocabulary use, this
paragraph is quite good. The paragraph using words which are quite easy to
understand because those words are commonly used. It is also important to pay
attention on the diction, paragraph organization and the sentence arrangement.
About the mechanic of this paragraph, I think there is no need to worry about.
About
the paragraph organization it will be better if the second paragraph separated
into two or three paragraph. For example the process during the man walked
alone could stand as one paragraph, and then the next paragraph is about the police officer that wanted to stop the campaign. And the
last can stand as the closing or concluding paragraph. It might be better so
that the readers can feel more enjoy to read your writing. It is also easier
for the reader to recognize the idea of your every paragraph.
Some
sentences that you have to fix are; at the first sentence of the first
paragraph “First of all, after I watched the video about the “Free Hugs”,
actually I was surprising and I
thought it became phenomenal video.” Next, at the major supporting sentence 2,
“Juan Mann didn’t give up with the situation around him and until several
minutes, he met a woman and their hug”.
The italic words of those sentences should be fixed so it can forms the better
sentence. Probably, there are also some other sentences that should be fixed,
pay attention on it. Well, overall this paragraph is simple and easy to
understand, but still since there is nothing perfect, try to make it better. I
hope my little critics is useful.
Free Hugs
Campaign
First
of all, after I watched the video about the “Free Hugs”, actually I was
surprising and I thought it became phenomenal video. At the beginning of the
video, we will see a man who walks in crowd place while bring a cardboard with
the words “Free Hugs” and held the cardboard aloft on his both side. Juan Mann
is the name of that man who has mission to spread peaceful on the world through
hugs people that was strange to change their mind about human contact
especially in social live.
At
the beginning, the man walked around the busiest pedestrians while bring the
sign aloft on his both side to make people interested with the sign and wants
hug him. At the first, what he brings doesn’t make sense for the people. People
didn’t give their respond to him. During the man walked, some people just
watched him, took his picture and passed him. Juan Mann didn’t give up with the
situation around him and until several minutes, he met a woman and their hug.
It was his first hug after through that way. Then, some people around him one
by one walked close to him and their hug each other. It was really funny saw
people hug Juan Mann in many kind of style, like used the skateboard to reach
him or just as usual. Next, some of
people tried to bring that sign and hug each other. So, we could see that some
people give their respond to the man with the “Free Hugs” sign from their act
to him. During the campaign, suddenly several police and officials ordered the
“Free Hugs” campaign banned. The police and officials tried to stop and
disperse the campaign. Then, some people helped the man with gave their
signature as petition to against the police. At the first, the total signatures
just 83, but then it totally surprised because he gave 10.000 signatures. Some
people also tried to talk with the police and hug the police with smiling. In
the end of the video, Juan Mann hugged a old woman and continued their mission
bring that sign for peace of the world. So, from this video we can get the main
point which to keep up the spirit of humanity and togetherness with the simple
way, by hug someone because it’s mean that you care about them. That’s way the
man did that to open our mind about people around us because we are the same.
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